Mortimer
the bear was a curious creature. Certainly he
looked like the other bears, he shared similar
bear features to his mother and father and had
a normal social life. He was seen every Wednesday
night calling out bingo numbers at the local Bear
Lodge #48675. Why then was this seemingly ordinary
bear strange?
One Halloween several years ago, Mortimer was
desperate for a costume. He had hibernated far
too long. He searched the town and all he could
find was a bear hood. He tried it on for laughs,
and instantly realized his inner bear energy.
He suddenly felt the sublime bliss of knowing
one’s self perfectly. He was the bear, in
the bear costume. He has not removed the garment
since. Friends and family were initially confused,
but quickly came to see the massive power of the
bear hat commanded and withdrew their criticism.
Mortimer quit his bingo job and set out into the
wilderness with nothing but a jump rope, and 5
quarts of Royal Honey. Mortimer was a bear of
sophisticated tastes.
Mortimer gained notoriety in late ‘03 when
The Axis of Stevil made him the subject of a wildly
successful T-shirt.
The
instant classic was hailed as a triumph in endo-bear
relations and ushered in a new era of prosperity
for bearkind. In recognition, Mortimer was given
the title of Lord Bearington XXI, one of the highest
ranks a bear can hold in the Royal Order of Ursa
Minor. Lord Bearington now spends his days
jumping rope across the world while wearing
Stevil's 'Bear Redux' apparel line. If you meet
Lord Bearington, attempt to avert your gaze from
his shirt. Many people suffer seizures or ocular
overload from gazing upon a bear in a bear-suit
wearing a t-shirt of a bear in a bear-suit who
happens to be wearing a t-shirt of a bear in a
bear-suit and that bear is also wearing a bear-suit
and has the same bear in a bear t-shirt on and
that bear ...
