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THE JOYS OF LIFE
A
common misconception of the universe is that Fraggles and
Doozers live in a harmonious balance under the surface of
the earth. This is not the case. In fact it is another example
of reality distorted by television. Using refined radishes,
the Doozers spend their days constructing large pieces of
scaffolding that taste and smell of a sweet candy to Fraggle
nostrils. Have you ever wondered why they build so much,
just to have it destroyed? It is not their desire to construct,
but to live. It is a sad fact that when there are no Doozer
buildings to be eaten, Fragglies will turn their appetites
on Doozers themselves!
A healthy Fraggle can consume a colony of 28 Doozers in
one sitting. This works out to be a lot less meat then you
would think. In fact, because the Doozer spends most of
its life working, its meat is often tough and gamey. The
Joy of Cooking Doozers has this to say:
"The best meat is found
in the neck and the rump. Try and find a Doozer who
has worked a crane or truck. The time he has spent
sitting down has plumped his seat into a juicy treat!"
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Barbaric?
Not hardly. Life and Death are part of the natural order.
What IS barbaric is the exploitation of Fraggle appetites
by baked good mogul, Bill Rosenberg. He lured the Doozers
away from Fraggle Rock and into a large fenced track of
land on North Cape Cod by promising a large colony a life
of safety and security, where they could build all that
they wanted without worry. It is here, Doozers are born,
nurtured, slaughtered, and finally baked into warm glazed
treats. To be sold to Fraggles, Gorgs, and any other animal
with a sweet tooth at Dunkin’ Doozers.
There are nineteen Dunkin’ Doozers operated by Rosenberg
across the country; each has a menu with fifteen styles
of flavored Doozer. Do you want yours with sprinkles, crème
filling, radish icing, or just an original glazed Doozer?
Dunkin’ Doozer has something to match your appetite,
plus flavored coffees and lattes.
The Axis of Stevil is a strong supporter of PETD, People
for the Ethical Treatment of Doozers. PETD hopes to raise
enough money in donations to transport all Doozers living
within the United States to The Doozer Nature Preserve.
Which is located in northern region of The Republic of Congo,
Africa.
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