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Beware
of The Walrus
It
is in your best interest to be weary of the Walrus. It is
far too often that the obvious words of wisdom go unheeded
by mankind. Warnings more blatant then the universal “Don’t
drink orange juice after brushing your teeth”. The
walrus is a poor sport! Truly the most brash and inconsiderate
of creatures, he is known for often forgetting birthdays
and anniversaries. You must never challenge him in anyway
shape or form. For if you best him he will explode into
a fiery rage and assault you with deadly force. Thrashing
at you with whatever objects are near by.
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On
average more then 10 million people worldwide are admitted
to hospitals and veterinary offices with walrus related
trauma. While there is a movement within The UN to take
action against the Walrus he currently has diplomatic immunity
as The Walrus. Because of this, the Walrus has never been
successfully prosecuted in civil or criminal courts. While
some victims settle out of court, most of his preys are
forced to rely on Walrus Attack Insurance. Which thankfully
is now offered by almost every major insurance agency.
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Those
who knowingly engage the Walrus in sport are a pompous, and
arrogant breed; not content to be humble before a creature
that would without thought cause harm. The Axis of Stevil
asks that while you travel this world. Should you ever encounter
the Walrus; and his traveling gang of croquet playing hippos,
and seals. You should not make eye contact, and walk away
directly. The lights will be bright, and they will try to
tempt you with sweet dreams of money and Turkish delight.
Stay firm in your conviction, and get yourself to the nearest
well lit public area. If it is night time contact the local
sheriffs department or nearest Triple A office. Report all
incidents to your local TheWalrus.gov agent. |
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