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INJUSTICE NO MORE!
Having a 9 to 5 seems to be the fate of every Steve at one time or another. The entire American public education system is merely preparation for monotonous office work. It’s tiring just thinking about working for ‘the man’. There are many injustices that everyone must endure for the good of greater priorities; injustices that include taking orders from someone younger than you or having to clean the floors of the
bathroom every night. However, there is one injustice that can be fought without the consequence of termination: the smoke break.
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LANGUAGE
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TROUBLE IN MALLTROPOLIS
A new sensation is taking over the malls and teenage hang outs all over America. Just a year ago, Clubbed Seal, the newest fur club clothing hot spot, became the talk of the media and “cool” tables in high schools everywhere. The raver’s fur boutique, with its hip layout, mainstream up-beat music, and fur sported by J. Lo, Fergie, and Baby Spice has been attracting the crème de la crème of club going ladies.
“Anyone who is anyone will be wearing something from Clubbed Seal, I mean it’s totally fresh.” –Ashley Ritch, local teen and Cheerleading captain, being treated to a Clubbed Seal coat by her mother.
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THE NEW DEAL
A great tragedy has struck the nation. “Claimed” comedian and new game show host, Howie Mandel has been reported missing as of Saturday, May 6th. He was last seen in a tavern  outside of East Shore, Nebraska. Witnesses testify that he was in town to celebrate Cinco de Mayo and left the Rusty Bucket Tavern with three unidentified individuals wearing plastic-beaded necklaces and sombreros.
Despite his mysterious disappearance, Mandel’s new hit game show, “Deal or No Deal,” will not go unhosted. Close friend and former cast-mate, Bobby Generic (jin-ER-ric) will continue hosting duties until further notice.
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THURSTON
Dear Axis of Stevil,
Greetings and fine salutations. I have had tremendous results on my truffle hunt. I snuffed out almost three bushels of Scorzonetruffles and other tasty mushrooms in abundance in northern West Virginia. I know! People are always so turned off by West Virginia, what with all the jokes of inbreeding keeping the spirit alive. Once you leave Charleston, it's like stepping back in time. What you don't realize is that the spring season there was like
northern Italy. The air was refreshing and sweet as it blew across the valleys and hills. The unforaged fields were littered with nearly five thousand dollars worth of formidable fungi. I gathered a bag of some of the best finds and will send them along snail mail. The rest of the truffles have been sold to the Kitchen Stadium. My piggly ways have never been good for much, but every now and then, my love of fine foods pays off . . . .. .
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MARVEL US
a new comic series
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WHO IS Dr. Dog:
Quoted from label website
Dr. Dog has been creating music in various incarnations in their hometown of Philadelphia for nearly four years now. Starting with their humble first release The Psychedelic Swamp, a concept album realized in the damp ruin of a flooded basement, up to the recently recorded Easy Beat which finds the band much more lyrically and musically complex (though recorded just as organically as previous releases). This five piece collective continues to push each other's creative
inner selves in order to gain new musical heights while converting and gaining new fans with each passing day--proving the adage, “good things happen to good people”.
Taxi - lead woof+mud distortion guitar, vocals [Scott McMicken]
Tables - finger bass, vocals [Toby Leaman]
Text - keyboardings, some guitar and singing [Zach Miller]
Time - trapset, harmonies, vehicle maintenance [Juston Stens]
?Tank/Tower? - full grip chords, young voice, interning [Frank McElroy];
>Last seen touring North Carolina with stops in Philidelphia, Charlottesvill, and Chapel Hill this saturday May 6th at The Local 506.
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