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DORA THE ILLEGAL |
Picture your typical white, suburban, middle/upper-class American household. You would probably envision a hard-working father, along with a caring mother, with their two children. But would you ever think that those children would be able to speak Spanish as well as any 5 year-old in Mexico City? It’s not as far-fetched as you think, thanks to Nickelodeon’s little Frito Bandito, Dora the Explorer, has single-handedly taken America’s youth south of the border. In her show, Dora, along with her monkey friend Boots, take on magical quests that require Dora to speak Spanish and English. However, this near-overnight children’s starlet is not sitting well with some of America’s seat-holders.
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ASK STEVIL
Responses
what’s the *explicative* deal with the yankees?!
- P’ed-off New Yorker |
Dear Brother of the Bronx,
The Deal with the Yankees is the very reason you should be “P’ed” off. You see, in 1764, a year before The Sons of Liberty formed in the North American colonies, there was a family of farmers that made their living in New York. While New York’s top exports today are oil, gold, and aluminum , the state was known for its extremely large fruits and vegetables during the pre-Revolutionary War period. One particular French immigrant farmer, Raul Pevere (Peh-vair), began a farmers union, The Legume Legion, after King George III began to raise land taxes. Pevere, and other New Yorkian farmers, revolted by stopping all shipments of fresh green vegetables to Great Britain. Three months had passed when King George III wrote a letter asking that Pevere sail across the Atlantic to personally deliver 10,000 bushels of green peas. In return, the King promised to pay five times the price of the peas, in order to bury the hatchet with The Legume Legion. Pevere happily agreed, and sailed to Great Britain. However, the welcome was cut short when the King’s soldiers tied Pevere to his ship’s mast and dumped the cargo, leaving poor Pevere buried in a profusion of peas. The ship was sent back to the colonies as a threat to the fate of those who defied the King of Britain. This event coined the phrase “Pea-ed Off” and created a domino effect that lead to the independence of the United States of America.
It should also be noted that Pevere’s farming secrets were passed down from generation to generation. Pevere’s great great nephew began the Christian farmers guild known today as the Jesus Ranch.
Regards,
The Axis of Stevil |
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FEATURED ARTIST: Carolina Still |
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WHO IS Carolina Still:
J. Alan Casey finger picks and strums the banjo to give a hard-edged bluegrass sound while J. Robert Norman aggressively strums the guitar, rock-n-roll style, while stomping out a beat on a homemade stomp box. Casey also adds the percussion of a hi-hat. Bassist Eric G. Holmes rounds out the sound with his flowing lines on the upright bass.
J. Allan Casey - Banjo, Vocals, Kazoo, Percussion
J. Robert Norman - Guitar, Vocals, Harmonica, Percussion
Eric G. Holmes - Upright Bass
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