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UNILATERAL BIPARTISAN NON-DENOMINATIONAL
GREETINGS!
Once
again, the holiday season is upon us. The Axis of Stevil,
as a supporter of the open work place, celebrates and
recognizes the following acknowledged winter holidays:
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Festivus
Chanukah
Kwanza
St. Stevalon's Day (patron saint of Harvest)
Banquete de cabras
Eind van leeftijden
Thurston Ze Pigs Birthday
Christmas
Boxing Day
Bob
Keeshan
New Years
Resolution Day (the black Friday of the gym world)
January Cleaning
Cheese Fries Festival. |
Therefore,
there will be no work for non-essential Steve’s from
December 17th - January 9th.
The Axis of Stevil wishes the best of all holidays to everybody.
2005 has been a tremendous year, full of change, excitement,
good times, bad times, and everything in between. Let its
last days find you happy and content with friends and family.
2006 will bring new challenges, more taxes, and bad haircuts.
Let the winter holidays focus your mind for the bumpy and
thrilling road ahead.
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SPEED
OF GROUND
12.16.05
[
Discuss
]
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ASK
STEVIL
Responses
Why
is three company?
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Dear Layzee McNoname,
This
is an excellent question, Layzee. It just so happens
that December 15th is the day of birth of the revolutionary
Jonathan Trees. Never heard of him? Well, sit down,
chil'rens and take a journey through the life of a
young entrepreneur.
Jonathan Trees was born on December 15th, 1693. He
was the first recorded puritan to have a lisp. Normally,
people with lisps were burned at the stake (they were
thought to be witches), but Jonathan was no ordinary
warlock-er, man. Nor was his lisp; he could speak
perfect puritan English, except he added an 'h' after
every’t’ that he spoke. So, we come to
the conclusion that he pronounced his name, "Jonathan
Threes."
At the ripe old age of 11, his father, Jacob Trees,
passed away from "thuberculosis". It was
customary for a son to follow in his father's occupational
footsteps, so Jonathan became a lumberjack, just like
his old man. His exceptional lumber-jacking skills
are what saved him from being accused as a warlock.
Knowing this, he decided to expand his business. He
hired his close friends, Matthew Wood and Mark Bark.
These three pre-pubescent lumberjacks established
the "Trees' Company". Not only were these
boys the virtual cookie-cutter for all lumberjack
enterprises, but they also coined the phrase "Threes'
Company," thanks to Jonathan's legendary lisp.
Regards,
The Axis of Stevil |
[
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More ] |
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, INDEED!
The
holiday season is a time for friends, family and outrageous
materialism. There is no finer example of this than a
recent Darker Brothers print ad, circulating in the back
of comic books, magazines and scouting journals, enticing
readers to promote materialism and guerilla advertising
with free prizes and meats. The ad, complete with typographical
errors, misleading text and promotions, is very good at
achieving its desired emotion; CONFUSION!
Don't
be fooled, free prizes are only earned by sending thousands
of pieces of illegal spam. It is estimated that Darker
Brothers accounts for nearly 1/8 of all the spam sent
on the web today. Keep your cool and try to remain objective
and logical in this modern market place. Watch where your
money goes and support those who deserve it.*
* - Young website entrepreneurs who update
their website every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
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FOWL LIES
The
sight of a dog wearing headphones, or a sea turtle selling
fast food is not unheard of thanks to the constant barrage
of anthromorphic
TV. Over the past fifty years, television viewers have been
desensitized to seeing animals acting as humans. This fact
was made painfully apparent when it was reveled before a
live television audience that President George W. Boosh
was, in fact, a chicken; a giant chicken!
During
a planned address to the nation regarding nationalized healthcare,
President Boosh delivered heated remarks to his critics,
saying,
"Buck
buck buckcaaaaaaaaaa! buk buk!”
It
was then, with sweat dripping from his pores, the president’s
brow fell off; falling wistfully down to the chief executive’s
podium. White House aids and television crew stared silently
as the man who had led the country for the past five years
was revealed to be the famous Chicken Boo. Now unmasked,
the tricky chicken ran clucking towards the hills, following
in his father, Bootolycus,
the famed Poultry Warrior's foot steps. Chicken Boo left
a trail of presidential garments and microphone equipment
in his wake. Filling the void of leadership. Vice President
Frank
Welker was sworn into office sixty-five minutes later
aboard air force one. . . .
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MARVEL US
a new
comic series
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WHO
IS SYLAS:
Johnathan Loos - Guitar/Vocals
Charlie Monger - Bass
Tanner Manship - Drums
Out of Davie County, NC, these three have been a band
for quite some time. Recently premiered their latest
CD at Ziggy's in Winston-Salem. |
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