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ASK STEVIL
Responses
Do nose hair trimmers have souls?
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Dear Oderfurst Longmuzzle:
It is very natural to question the relative existence of inanimate objects. The fact that you ask directly about nose hair trimmers is a sign that you are a kindred spirit. Only a handful of people can sense the tiny force of ginger hard at work within the shell of your Braun Eugromatic E-120. There is a strain of life that runs through inanimate objects sired with the demonic forging of a man made from only ginger. When a flat-footed gingerbread man finally “meets
his baker”, he must pay a penance for his origin. In his next life, he will quietly inhabit the power source of a nose hair trimmer. In this position he will be able to help guide the operator with the grooming sheers. Only by worker together can man and machine truly
function! For this reason, a good trimmer is hard to find, no matter what hair you choose to keep in-check. Most nose hair trimmers would rather be baked goods and will often refuse to
help cut back the shorthairs. These sweet smelling souls are content to lay about, dreaming of sugar cream frosting.
If you have made a connection to your nose hair trimmer, and wish it to remain in good health and spirits, store it in a cool dry medicine cabinet, near the mouthwash and other fresh smelling toiletries. It is important to leave floss out and available for your trimmer. In the early hours of the morning, it might desire the clean that only flossing provides. A nose hair trimmer must productively exist for 7 years to repay Crockstavior,
the god of cookies and sweet crackers, for the use of a soul.
If you are in possession of a mature trimmer, consider parting with your faithful ally against nose bush. The proper funeral service for a nose hair trimmer consists of you leaving your trimmer in its travel pouch on a grocery shelf in the cookie isle. This is said to bring the do-er good fortune and health in the year to come. The ginger soul will be so overwhelmed by the smell of its brethren, that the
soul will escape the confines of the elderly shaver. He can then dance for a brief period of time with the gingerbread men and milanos until he is pulled like gravity into a steal pizza wheel.
Regards,
The Axis of Stevil |
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JOIN THE REVOLUTION
In 1997 The Axis of Stevil took possession of 64x128x64 foot general steel building. The building was received as a gift at the estate auction of James Stevemognoliyum. A long time Stevilzation patriot, James was famous for coining the phrase "Gotta Stevilize it!” He built an empire selling shirts emblazoned with his face and catch phrase. With his passing at the age of ninety-two his vast collection of warehouses and storage spaces
across the U.S. where put up for bid in a series of public auctions. The honorary lot of buildings has been entrusted to the local brotherhoods of the various districts where they proudly serve as meeting halls and gathering points of Steves and Steve supporters.
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THE AMERICAN EXPERIENCE
The destruction and chaos of nature’s fury has lead to the birth of a beautiful attraction in the heart of the gulf coast. A group of landowners and private businessmen, known as The Bold Menu Group, have united under the figurehead of the Cajun lifestyles of Leatherhead. Promising a family-oriented fun park of patriotic symbols, BMG is poising itself for a take over of a major city by August of 2008; which is when construction of the 18-course
adventure laden golf course is said to be completed. Leatherhead’s American Experience is a complete mini-golf game stretched across 140 acres of lush, adventuress green valleys in order to prevent the awkward experience of having to wait for some other group to finish playing a mini-golf hole.
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WHO IS Dr. Dog:
Quoted from label website
Dr. Dog has been creating music in various incarnations in their hometown of Philadelphia for nearly four years now. Starting with their humble first release The Psychedelic Swamp, a concept album realized in the damp ruin of a flooded basement, up to the recently recorded Easy Beat which finds the band much more lyrically and musically complex (though recorded just as organically as previous releases). This five piece collective continues to push each other's creative
inner selves in order to gain new musical heights while converting and gaining new fans with each passing day--proving the adage, “good things happen to good people”.
Taxi - lead woof+mud distortion guitar, vocals [Scott McMicken]
Tables - finger bass, vocals [Toby Leaman]
Text - keyboardings, some guitar and singing [Zach Miller]
Time - trapset, harmonies, vehicle maintenance [Juston Stens]
?Tank/Tower? - full grip chords, young voice, interning [Frank McElroy];
>Last seen touring North Carolina with stops in Philidelphia, Charlottesvill, and Chapel Hill this saturday May 6th at The Local 506.
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