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EXTREME THANKSGIVING
The
new trend in diversifying funds among major corporations
is to purchase the rights to holidays; starting with Google's
acquisition of Christmas, Viacom has quickly followed
suit snatching Thanksgiving and the first two weeks of
women’s history month. Speculation is currently
running rampant on what the conglomerate plans to do with
its new holdings. Current Vice President of Seasonal Sales
and Promotions, Martin Salaberg, promises to bring to
thanksgiving the same quality of styling and product placement
that he brought to MTV!
Salaberg made the following remarks about plans for Thanksgiving,
at a Knights of Cortez Luncheon.
| "Viacom
hopes to fuse the antiquated notions of a traditional
Thanksgiving with a modern vision. Aiding the day
with several Viacom owned characters will give the
day a broad consumer appeal and merchandizing potential.
The turkey and the pilgrim were fine for your mom
and pop, but in these modern times, people need icons
they know and identify with. There were no cell phones
at the first Thanksgiving, or Xbox 360s. We hope to
change that. Rather then propagate seasonal gluttony!
We hope to channel resources away from gorging and
turn it into gifting!" |
Offering no comments on any plans for women's history
month, Salberg added more to a growing controversy. An
uncovered inner-departmental Viacom memo mentioned a re-branding
of the March fortnight to "Special K Presents: Women’s
History Month". The memo that was published in a
HASBEEN magazine editorial has brought a firestorm of
criticism to both the cereal giant Kellogg’s, and
Viacom.
The Axis of Stevil believes that days, dates, holidays,
weeks, month's and all other denomination of time are
in the public domain, therefore are not subject to rights
of use.
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ASK
STEVIL
Responses
Dear
Axis of Stevil, why is it so hard to kill a zombie
with a knife...even if it has a serrated edge and
is sharpened on a diamond stone?
-The
Daywalker
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Dear The Daywalker,
Zombies,
despite the fact they are often portrayed as the weakest
of all monsters, are really hard to kill! Those guys
don't stop! What are you doing with a knife only?
The Axis of Stevil, in it's campgrounds and mountain
trail guide book, recommends that you carry at least
a shotgun, handgun, two boxes of ammo and a green
herb when routinely traveling in zombified terrain.
Zombies have an exterior layer of fatty 'reverse'
skin. Because of this, zombies have a high tolerance
for pain. It, in fact, just feels like a tickle to
their skin. If you are just tickling somebody, it's
really hard to keep them off of you.
Reverse skin does provides an interesting trick for
when "you need to take down a large room of zombies
in under two minutes before the Zombie overlord escapes
in his moon jet!", simply swing an old fashion
feather pillow. The resulting softness of fabric and
feathers is like a debilitating taser blow to any
zombie melting their interiors to a smelly pulp. This
is why you never see a zombies eating chicken!
Regards,
The Axis of Stevil |
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Read
More ] |
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AWW
SKEET SKEET
Pop
culture entropy keeps most from dwelling on what happened
to their once iconic favorites. These characters fade away
from the spot light. Some make the transition to the mundane
with grace and dignity, heading up legitimate corporate
ventures, or lending their name to upscale doggy biscuits,
and other consumer goods. Still others, like Skeeter Valentine
have great difficultly creating a normal life post-stardom.
Skeeter Valentine, so enamored by Hollywood, foolishly sunk
all his assets and earnings from his cartoon successes into
the sequel to Doug's first movie; "Skeeter Valentine's:
Macbeth and The Ghost of Klotzenstein". Plagued by
weather, on-set turmoil, and several re-writes, Skeeter's
movie came out 16 months later then expected on a very limited
‘straight to DVD’ release. His showbiz career
has never recovered.
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WHO
LIKES BADGES?
Signups
for member positions opened today during a brief ceremony
at Stevil World Headquarters. Do you wish to become a member
of The Axis of Stevil? Simply submit your name and you will
be issued your own unique Axis of Stevil ID Badge. This
badge will identify you to other Axis of Stevil members
and grant you access to the Axis of Stevil Cafetorium.
It is a time-tested fact that badges are cool. Be it Merit,
Communicator, or ID, badges have become the newest clothing
accessory. 4 out of every 5 people report that they feel
a greater sense of confidence and acceptance while wearing
their own unique IDs. Not only do they provide quick name
references for the absent minded, badges are also seen as
status symbols. Badge aficionados are often heard to say
"You can tell a man by the cut of his badge".
So take care, and exercise patience while assembling your
Stevil membership badge.
Click
Here
Create Your Axis of Stevil ID Badge Today!
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FEATURED ARTIST: JUGGERNAUT
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WHO
IS JUGGERNAUT:
Marcus
Lineberry - Vocals
Cashew - Guitar/Vocals
Benji Lineberry - Bass
Donnie Rash - Drums
"JUGGERNAUT means "Lord of this World";
an unstoppable force moving across the landscape.
The band formed in the year 2000, located out of Spartanburg,S.C.
in the "Heart" of Dixie. Southern Beer Metal
is how the bands brew-n-whiskey soaked songs are described."
Excerpt
from MySpace Profile |
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